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Wondering…
Do you ever wonder if everything you are working hard for is going to be worth the struggle? Whether mentally or physically? It’s always on my mind. It hurts me to my soul that some of the sacrifices I have to make. No, I’m not asking for pity. I’m just expressing myself. I’m sure that everyone thinks or have thought like this before. I wish I can travel through a time machine to see if the end result is pleasant. A lot of times when you concentrate so hard on one subject, you forget the essence. You forget the purpose, the effect you have on others around you. You lose…
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Control
You want to control all aspects in your life, right? It’s impossible. I tried try to control my life, from career, to education, to emotions. It doesn’t work. Sad thing is, it never works for emotions, and I knew it all along, but kept pretending that it is working. When you are so alone, there’s no way to get rid of that feeling. It just creeps up on you out of the blue. Well, maybe not out of the blue. But it’s been suppressed for so long, and yet you finally let loose of your “grip” on your emotions, and it has the tendency to just burst out. Then you…
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Reasons
People say that everything happens for a reason. How come every time I try to make a change, something keeps pulling me back? I guess that’s life’s way of showing me signs. I feel like everyone around me is moving further and further away from me. I’m like a stranger to them now. Yes, I feel so isolated, so destroyed. So much pain. I just want it to all go away. I just want to be that happy person again. Do I not deserve happiness? Is the world that cruel to me? I’m filling myself with materialistic things to take my mind away from the pain, but in the end,…