It’s driving me insane. It feels like I’m holding on to something that’s not there. But then again, why do I care so much if it’s not there? This constant confusion, going back and forth, it’s making me go crazy. I don’t know what to do. It’s such a rocky path. If you have ever been there, I mean really been there, when you feel one with the person, not just lust or charity, but truly feel that’s where you belong. That’s how I feel. He’s my home.

Things are slowing down a bit for me. More stable now. At least that’s what I perceive. Good news, I got my computer, and it’s up and running. But I just can’t stand the monitor. It’s so huge and ugly. I can’t wait to get a new one. I really haven’t been active online, but I’ve been browsing around, I do have a new layout for my website. I will have to put it up as soon as I get it off my laptop.

Forget about what I said in the previous entry. Everything is screwed up AGAIN!!! I feel like that I’m not advancing, but going backwards. Things always get fucked up when something good happens. Why is that? Why is life so FUCKED UP? Sometimes I just want to get away from everything and life on a peaceful mountain, just watching the birds and the clouds, silence everywhere. Nothing bad will happen then. I’m tired of being hurt, tired of feeling this way. I just want to give up. So bad. I don’t know. But everytime I think about the good times, they just all surpass the bad times. “If the good…