Strength

How do you stay strong when you feel so weak? Many times I cannot find the answer to that question. So many times I want to break down and just give up, but there’s something inside of me that won’t allow it. Sorrow have been drowning me for such a long time, makes me wonder how I ever survived for this long. I guess despite all the depression that I have been dealing with, a part of me still wants to experience the joy of life. A part of me still wants to break through to taste the sweetness that life has to offer. However, there’s a thin line, and I am constantly on the border line.

Have you ever felt so alone even while you are surrounded by so many? That’s how I feel. I just want to curl up and be held like a baby. Sometimes, I don’t want to be strong, I want to be able to have a shoulder to lean on. Lyfe Jennings sings in his song that “loneliness is good for the soul”, and I feel him on that. However, it’s taking a toll on my heart. I feel so empty inside. Everything just seems so artificial around me. Maybe this is what I deserve. Maybe it’s something that I’ve done in my past life. All I know is that this is my destiny. I just want to cry out to someone. To have someone understand my pain and comfort me, tell me that everything is alright.

I’ve always just pushed all my feelings aside in order to focus on work, school and other things. However, I can’t keep doing that. My heart is getting heavier, and it’s killing me slowly inside. It’s just a count down to how long I will last…